Bayley News

Jets name Dennis Mikula of Bayley-Ellard Coach of the Week
The New York Jets announced that Denis Mikula of Bayley-Ellard Catholic High School has been named coach of the week and is the recipient of the New York Jets High School Coach of the Week Award. For his efforts he will receive $1,000 to benefit his football program and will be presented with a plaque from the New York Jets. The selection of Coach Mikula was made after the Bishops beat the Jets 24-3 at the Meadowlands on Sunday. (Ed. note: This was a real award but the Star-Ledger story is no longer available online.)

Class of '95 voted 'Biggest Bunch of Tools'
Based on a recent comprehensive survey of Bayley graduates, the Class of '95 was chosen as the biggest tools in the school's long history. "It was quite overwhelming," said survey coordinator Amanda Pearson. "I don't think there was one survey participant who did not list the Class of '95 as their number one choice. That group must have been some piece of work." As survey participant Hartsel Crohn ('42) explained, "I hated that class...what a bunch of dicks. I've seen them all too, like that bunch of punks they called the class of '64 and those bastards in the class of '56, but they didn't hold a candle to the putzes from '95."

Yearbook Cause of Marriage Strife
An old Bayley yearbook has led to tension in the 11-year marriage of Karen Otis ('80) and her husband Andy. "I came home from work the other day and Andy is sitting at the table looking at my old yearbook," Karen said. "All he said to me was, 'Who the hell is Doug Carson?' It took me a minute to remember that Doug was a kid from Bayley who was in a play I did, but I hadn't seen or heard from him since I graduated. Apparently Andy thinks I'm having an affair with him or something." When reached for comment in the basement, where he has been spending most evenings since going through the yearbook, Andy claimed, "I know what I read and that's all the proof I need. This Doug character wrote that he'd love Karen 'forever,' and last I checked it was still forever." Upon hearing this Karen yelled down from the kitchen, "Yea, whatever...you big dick."

Bayley Grad Gets Published
Author Mark Lillet ('96) had his first short story published in a national magazine this month. The story, based on Mark's own experience in college, is a whimsical coming of age story set during Parents' Weekend his sophomore year and involves "a few brewskies, a couple of jello shots" and his roommate's "unbelievably hot mother." "I couldn't believe it was happening to me at the time," says Mr. Lillet, "but I knew it would make a great story someday. I just had to find the right publisher, and when I contacted the fine folks at Penthouse I knew I had found a magazine that would appreciate my writing for what it was and not try to impose their own editorial control over my words. I can't say enough good things about them." Mr. Lillet's story is available on newsstands through July.

Capital Campaign Planned
The newly formed BEHS Development Office, which was establish to umm...develop stuff, has announced the development of a plan to start a major capital campaign. The purpose of the plan is to "delineate and prioritize academic and facility upgrades leading to a major capital campaign," according to postings from Nancy Proko ('02), manager of the Development Office. Bayley officials have not commented on the rumor that the campaign's official slogan be "Nile Sin Pecunia" (Nothing Without Money).

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Nile Sin Pecunia